from the pen of icarus blake

Daily writing prompt

What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

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One piece of advice I saw on the internet years ago changed my life.  It goes a little something like this:

“If you hate everyone, eat something.  If you think everyone hates you, take a nap.  And remember, nothing you think about yourself after 9pm is true.”

Its sound advice.  There’s very little a nap and a snack can’t fix, but both of these activities demand time.  That’s a problem in a rise-and-grind society, where if you aren’t “increasing your productivity” 24/7 you must be lazy.  You must deserve to rent a two-bedroom the rest of your life (if you can afford one).  We brag about our lack of sleep, our caffeine consumption, how much we get done in a day.  Napping in the middle of the day is categorically antithetical to rising and grinding, something that’ll get the shackles of guilt slapped right on you.  Heaven forbid you take a little siesta on a Saturday — you’d better get your ass up and moving on Sunday.

And yet, I can’t deny that my biological prerogative as a large mammal is to rest.  There is no joy more basal than taking a nap in the grass, or curling up in a ray of sun with some fruit.  I desire a nap at 2pm every day, and as if to mock me work slows down at 2pm every day.  I could take a catnap on my 15 minute break, but doing so inevitably invites comments about “burning the candle at both ends”.

Which I am.  Often.  But don’t point it out.

So I end up napping in my car if it’s warm enough.  If it’s not warm enough, well, heaven forbid my boss walks into the break room while I’m dozing off.  The problem was even worse when I didn’t have a regular shift (and, by extension, a regular sleep schedule).  Falling asleep at 8:30 as I come into work, emotionally dysregulated rage at traffic, the constant juggling of a changing schedule without any time for projects of my own that I was still expected to complete regardless of my work burden. 

This is normal for most people, there is no point at which work ends and rest begins.  Turning off your phone may as well be a crime punishable by unemployment. How are we supposed to deal with the stress of work when work never ends?  Like the tiger in the woods, forever ten feet behind you.  You have to keep running, even though it never gets any closer.  Don’t you dare rest.  Don’t you dare.